a point along the line

a beginning
part of the story
from one perspective
(cat's)
a point along a line
twisting and turning
four years ago
i saw oscar online
barely an hour after henry
the artist
posted the bus for sale
for his friend
who commissioned him to paint it
i fell instantly in love with it
and felt it needed to be in my care
mind you
this was
and was not a quick decision
i had been researching
a different kind of place to call home
in the pacific northwest
while i taught
besides being tied to a lease
throwing money someone's way
while not having the freedom i need
also
phish tour was coming up
my first time going
a friend sharing the groove with me
and i wanted something epic
and got it
when i went to see her
and he pushed the eject button on the stereo system
and phish
a live one
came out
he said he knew he had to give it to me for
what i could put in his hand
before
phish tour even came and went
oscar limped home
on 3 cylinders
on the trial run
to oregon country fair
my first taste of that kind of joy
and family
i loved it
she made it back
and so did i
a little more experienced
a little more miles under the belt
in need of a bit of rest
readjustment
and tender loving care
after months of struggle
living out of her
still working professionally
again
i move to colorado
then fly back
to pnw
to help rebuild
oscar
with a friend who lent his hands
and knowledge
and time
to fixing her up
take apart
engine out
take apart
rebuild
engine in
rebuild
like many things
go
so back on the road
packed full of my things
with not even a place to rest
in cold november
we welcomed her to
colorful colorado
while i rested
into a difficult relationship
grad school
and moving from place to place
oscar was
dragged around
in some ways
small adventures
starting stalling
for months at a time
dead and co show
stall out in parking lot
road trip to maryland
lots of walmart parking lots
to stay with a dear friend
sister and her mom
finish grad school
and find some space
peace
asked if i sold ice cream
or groomed dogs
both good ideas
but no
how it goes
and finally
decided
to boom
move out
and move into her
cut ties that no longer serve
and hope for the best
jump
knowing i will be caught
but oh what a ride
that kind of split
decision
doesn't come lightly
or settle easily
and weeks off from work
when work is your joy and purpose
and identity
requires you to reexamine some things
including it all
but me being me
and having so many triggers
having a history with trauma
being sensitive as fuck
let's say it was hard
i met a man
joshua
during the transition from
house hell
to bus life
and through into city dwelling stability studio home
happiness
that's some of who i am
cat
on a mission
to love
to learn
to be free
***